I AM SORRY...I CAN'T HELP MYSELF.

The older we get....

 ONE
 Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could
have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.

'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.

'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)

TWO
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the
lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up
one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed
it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up
the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code
so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you
know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for my things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive
and pulling it out very quickly.

When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on
the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was
using the ATM 'thingy.'

(keep shuddering!!)

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you
need some help?' I asked.

She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote
door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing
to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car
keys to me.  As I took the key and manually unlocked the door,
I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the
batteries. It's a long walk....'

PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!


FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she
was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of
typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank
piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make
five 'blank' copies.

Brunette, by the way!!  (Possibly artificial intelligence--courtesy of L'oreal?)

SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to
take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The
dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be
fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'

Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'

Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh.....it is all true...

Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!

(I must insert a comment at this point--I do not think life is tougher for stupid people....they just seem to float through life fairly unscathed....sometimes at the expense of others...sometimes to the amusement of others--sometimes both. I do occasionally feel sorry for people such as the ones in the examples above, because I think they must miss a great deal in life. But on the other hand, there are a very few times when I am almost envious of them because these kinds of people seem to be more content with their roles in life than I am with mine. Oh well, for now we will just be amused and not to overly analytical.....But, I will go one more step and dare to assess this entire tale as an example of how the world mutates and its inhabitants take on different levels of functionality as time rapidly moves on. OH, THE HUMANITY!!)


(I just received this in an e-mail from a friend of mine...I am sorry...I can't help feeling just a little bit superior to most of the human race....and I am blonde!!!!)
(Please note:  parenthetical comments, of course, were not included in the e-mail.  So, this will tell you a little more about the way my mind works....or not!  I have a distinct feeling I am not through posting on this particular subject...so be forewarned.......)

Okay, Autumn has actually fallen...and I love it.

The cooler weather brings out the better part of my nature. Not that I am not good natured....most of the time, but the oppressive heat of summer takes the better part of that good nature and hides it away a good deal. Having been born and raised in the Florida sunshine, one would think I fared well in the heat.  I have never, even as a young'un runnin' barefoot in the hot sand, tolerated the heat well. Likewise, one would think having been born on a glorious July morning...I would like the summers...but, alas, I do not.

I think also, the cooler weather signals the onset of holiday time...and, that makes me a little nostalgic and eager to experience the special times.  From Halloween through the first of the new year, I am a little more sentimental and sometimes even a little bit giddy as the little girl in me, on some level, still awaits the wonder and magic of Christmas.  Thanksgiving...I have much for which to be grateful...but mostly, I believe, I am grateful that Christmas is nearly here. 

Gratitude encompasses much of my world all of the time. My children and grandchildren top the list. My family in general--I suppose make the two top spaces...at least. God has given me much, and I am not unaware that He is my benefactor. When I watch the news, take a peek at many of the world situations, and see how many people must live due to oppressive governments, poverty, the economy in our own country, I know I have much for which to be thankful. When I see the want...of sustenance, shelter, companionship...I know I have an abundance of such commodies, and I am acutely aware of how very blessed I am.

The cooler autumn nights are perfect for turning off the air conditioner and saving money...but mostly for sleeping with the windows open and breathing in nature's wonderful breezes. There is much to be said for snuggling down in warm linens with a quilt on top of you.  The rest is deeper, the sleep much more gratifying, and mere act is so nurturing to our spirits and our bodies...of course it is....try it.

Even the sunshine is nicer. Feeling the warmth of the sun on my face when buffered by the cooler surface temperatures is another way to know that God is in His heaven and smiles down upon His children.

Have you ever wondered what God does all day?  Well, neither have I.  I do think, though, He sometimes wears an Izod shirt with a big "G" embroidered on the upper left chest....Well, you know for "God."  Well, if I were God, I would be glad to let everyone know....Now, I can actually claim to be a domestic "Goddess," but somehow the paths are very different....God's "G" would be green...Why?  I don't know....I am sure my "G" would be lavender or blue...Why?  Because it can be. Now that we have that out of the way.....

I know I told you in a previous blog what I plan to do for Christmas this year...and I am looking forward to it. A few days away from work in a mountain hideaway...far from the maddening crowd, will work wonders for my attitude, my physical body, and, I am sure, my creativity...I'll get back to you on that.

I would tell you I would be comfortable "roughing it " in that mountain cabin...but I would be lying...My idea of  "roughing it"  would be no microwave and a black and white T.V.  I like to camp out...but I would like to camp out in Maui....Marriott........yep, that would be a real shame, wouldn't it?  Well, someone has to keep Marriott in the black...why not me?!  No chopping wood, no outdoor bathroom facilities, no sleeping in a sleeping bag or tent...I want a cabin...yes...but, I was thinking of a nice split level with large decks and open rooms, glass front to take in the view, large screen T.V., fireplace supplied with split wood, stocked refrigerator...etc..located not too far from a really nice restaurant. Hey, don't laugh...we all have our crosses to bear....

I have been awake and working since about 3:30 A.M. it is now after seven...time to get started for the day. But then I did go to bed early....But it will be another day in paradise....trying to make a living...and breathing in the wonderful Autumn air!

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall...but he just cracks me up!

I have tried a time or two to add to my blog page and so far, anything decent has totally eluded my efforts. Tonight, I have time and the energy...but do I have the mental wherewith all to put anything on my blog? I have lolly gagged a great deal of today so I am not tired enough to go to bed. I have been moving for two weeks and my body begged for relief...I got some today...relief that is.

I feel as if I have fallen through the looking glass....perhaps not the one from Lewis Carroll's (of Alice in Wonderland fame) imagination...more one of Dante's fame...yeah, more inferno-like--especially with the heat we have suffered the past couple of weeks. I hate to move. I suppose Mississippi is as good as anywhere else to live, it is just the moving and getting straightened out that is the hellish part.

I do not live very far from the childhood home of Elvis Presley....oh yeah, big whoop! Lots of factories and industry dealing with the furniture and auto industry here. Toyota is building a place outside Tupelo that is supposed to give quite a boost to the local economy---but you know where Tupelo is, do you not?  It is right next to Onepelo....you know, where José and Jos-B live (okay, go ahead say it out loud....Hose A and Hose B--ha-ha made you say it anyway!) But the location should be great for business.

I found a lovely home on three acres of property....in Pontotoc....literally translated from the the Hecauwee (pronounced: heck-au'-wee) Indian language meaning...a place where beautiful women go to live.....You know that tribe--they broke away from the Cree Indians many years ago and started their own tribe when their illustrious leader lead a large war and hunting party out and got lost....they say he stood from the upper side of a tall hill in Mississippi and putting his hand over his brow to block out the sun's glare looked into the distance and said..."Hey, where the 'Heck are we?'" Thus, the name of the tribe. Remaining in a lost state for several weeks, the chief finally authorized a raiding party to bring women in from neighboring tribes to start their own civilization and colony....While many of the women were of dubious repute and many were not of traditional native American heritage or descent, the chief of the lost tribe was heard to say,“No good fish goes anywhere without a porpoise.” Not that anyone really understood the meaning behind it...but Lewis Carroll (nee: Charles Lutwidge Dodgson) used it in his writing regarding Alice.

Well that may be my brain in overload writing there...but, I can't help but wonder as I read Lewis Carroll if, in fact, he too may have taken a drag or two from that hookah that he wrote about the Blue Caterpillar smoking. Or, perhaps he was just as mad as a hatter on his good days....but he wrote and wrote more than 2,500 books and grinned like a Cheshire Cat all the way to the bank!

Okay, this blog just gets more and more curious or "curiouser and curiouser" so perhaps, I should go back through that looking glass but, "I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then." ("by Alice"...)

Some days life is really tough...then I get out of bed...

Everyone has been after me to add to my blog...I have been incredibly busy. I know that is no excuse, however, I shall use it any way. I have also been incredibly tired and and quite distracted trying to take care of a brother who is very ill.  I am so saddened with how I have failed this man. He needs to be nurtured and nursed back to health both physically and emotionally....but he doesn't know how to let that happen. So whatz a woman to do?

I have decided most definitely that getting old really stinks...be not deceived..."senior cokes," "Senior movie fares," and other "Senior discounts" just don't make up for not being young any more. I've decided I probably will no longer touch up my graying hair, I do not care that my face is wrinkled, and that spreading middle only concerns me because of my propensity to Type II Diabetes and my blood sugar plays games with me. I just want my back to be straighter in the mornings and my knees not to hurt when I over exert myself for too long.

Have I ever told you my ambition is to be a wealthy novelist?  I no longer care about being a novelist....just novel...and wealthy. My brother tells me I talk like "Hemingway on Crack"--whatever that means....sometimes he refers to me as "Barbara Walters on crack"...whatever that means. Actually, I believe I have reached the "purple stage" in my life...Yeah, you got it...purple....Surely you have read Jenny Joseph's "When I Am An Old Woman, I Shall Wear Purple---So--read it again:

Warning - When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple

By Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple

with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired

and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

and run my stick along the public railings

and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

and pick the flowers in other people's gardens

and learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

and eat three pounds of sausages at a go

or only bread and pickles for a week

and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

and pay our rent and not swear in the street

and set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

What are satin candles?  I do not believe I have ever heard of them prior to having read this poem. 

Well, this old woman is in dire need of retiring to her bed chamber and to her bed. But no matter, I am fairly certain the sun will come up tomorrow...dang it all....I probably should move to Alaska so I could have some 6 month nights...ahhh, extended slumber. 

Do you know where the expression "Three Dog Night" originated? You probably do...as hot as it has been the past few days, I could use a couple of three dog nights...For anyone who doesn't know the "dog night" origin...it is an expression in the cold, cold north where people travel by sled and dog....depending on how cold the nights were depended on how many dogs you needed to sleep with you  to keep you warm....so it it took 3 dogs...that night was considered a "Three Dog Night"...Yep, right up there with a five-cow wife...but that will wait for another time. My dogs are barking, my head hurts, my back is pleading for relief, and my bed beckons me onward....Tomorrow is another day...and I shall think about all that tomorrow...

To Dream a dream....or if hogs could ride Harleys...

I had a dream a couple of nights ago about a city of which I have never heard. I had no idea where it was, or that it was, until I looked it up on Google Maps. I have no idea why I dreamed of it, but I am going this weekend to see what is there. I hope to find an answer to the mystery as to why I would dream of it. I will let you know how it turns out.

I, normally, do not set a lot of store in dreams, but once in a while I have to give some credence to my night visions. They sometimes tell me things I need to know.  But more often than not, the only thing conveyed in my dreams is a sense of wonder as to why such things would come into my mind...let me give you a for instance (and if anyone is adept in interpretation of dreams...feel free to let me know). I dreamed last night of a man who appeared to have no teeth...but a wide-mouth grin revealed he had one molar--far back, top, left side. (?) Some years ago, I dreamed my cat had puppies. (?) I dreamed I gave birth to a child that resembled Gary Coleman...when I questioned if I had been given the right baby, the newborn child looked up at me and said, "What you talkin' 'bout Mama?" (That could be just too much TV!!) The most unusual dream I ever had was several years ago; it remains vivid in my memory.


In the dream, I lived in a realm where the superior..or ruling entity was Hogs...as of the swine variety...yep, they all rode Harley Davidson motorcycles...they herded human beings and set very strict rules of behavior for the people still living free (as in not penned up)...such as..humans were not allowed to have a Christmas Tree, they were not allowed to go in certain places in the town...which, of course, lead to a underground of movement and secrets. Every so often a few humans were rounded up and put into a sty..or pen....where they walked about on hands and knees and were fed from a moving conveyor belt. On the belt would be what appeared to be lettuce and other greens chopped like salad...it was quite palatable...except...there were little red pieces mixed in with the greenery and if you ate one of the red things you died....and if you refused to eat you were killed. Well, thanks to a snitch, I got caught trying to smuggle a Christmas tree into my home and was put into the pen....I was trying to eat and not consume a red morsel when I awoke with a fog in my brain...oh, did I mention the Hogs also wore leather jackets?  Now, what was that all about?

Some of my dreams make absolute sense, or, I can at least tie them back to something on my mind, or something that happened during the day...but hogs on Harleys...can't imagine...

My day dreams aren't quite so bizarre...but they all start out with "some day...."  I think "some day" is a euphemism for "never," but we all gotta have a dream. Some day I will go to Hawaii, some day I will get to retire, some day I will be thin again, some day I will get to do what I want to do...not what I have to do!--speaking of dreaming the impossible dream...

For today, however, I am planning to follow my dream into the unknown....let's see...will I find genealogical records heretofore not available? Perhaps a pot of gold or a tract of land waiting for me to claim it? Oh, a long lost (never known) benefactor awaits to whisk me away to my inherited castle, in Hawaii, where I can retire and do all the things I want to do. I would have a personal trainer who would transform me in to the fair lady I would like to become...far away from the cold night air, with one enormous chair and lots of chocolate for me to eat....wouldn't it be lovely?

Okay, it is time to come back to earth again--work beckons...drat!  Just when things were starting to look up!

These are a few of my favorite things...

One of my favorite things to do on a Saturday afternoon is tune in to a James Stewart, Humphrey Bogart, or William Powell oldie or even a Clark Cable goldie  as long as they do not get too "sappy."

Don't misunderstand, I like love as well as the next person as long as the next person doesn't like really sappy love scenes (teary goodbye speeches, etc) with mushy, unrealistic, ridiculous dialogue. Most movie watchers enjoy a good heart tug, but there must be some limits.

The African Queen, with Humphrey Bogart (Charlie Alnut) and Katherine Hepburn (Rose Sayer) ( love Katherine), is among my favorites because they had a very special way of falling in love and being absolutely offended by each other at the same time--at least at first. Too, this movie confirms anything is possible if you are stranded on a river with someone long enough and, that even mud, leeches, and Nazi Legions can't kill the real thing! How's that for romance?

Scarlett O'Hara, in Gone With The Wind, (and for all you really young and tuned out people, this is not the story of New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina hit....no matter what people say) with her antebellum charms and her near-harlot ways could have learned a couple of things from the staunch missionary, Rosie.

Of course, Jimmy Stewart seemed quite adept in the heart-string tuggers. I suppose everyone has seen It's a 
Wonderful Life starring Jimmy with Donna Reed. While I can appreciate the intent of the message and while I watch it at least once every yuletide season, it is so "socially moralizing," with such redeeming value, I prefer Stewart in Zotz, or Harvey, or The Cheyenne Social Club.  Now, nobody get your dander up...I do like "socially moralizing" movies...it is just after you have watched it 3,000 times, you can't help but to root for the character to get on with his life and leave town like he always wanted to do...at least once. THEN, he can come back and save humanity!

I have never been a real big fan of westerns, not even John Wayne, but there are a few that fall in that category I find particularly entertaining. But, in most cases I'd rather get my early-American exposure from the likes of Oklahoma, Paint Your Wagon, (I know a lot of LDS people do not care for this movie...and it does kind of scrap your sensitivity...but it is only a movie...and we know better) or The Unsinkable Molly Brown.  Wyatt Earp and Jesse James hold little appeal for me as they were both outlaws...Earp just got into law enforcement...made a good cover and James held truer to his outlaw ways. If I am going to watch historical events, I would prefer they be real life not fiction.

Since war is beyond my comprehension, war movies hold no appeal for me at all and gutsy, muscle-bound heroes with extremely limited vocabularies, which have erupted at the box office in the past several years, only reinforce my Saturday afternoon fondness for Jimmy, Bogie, or even Cagney or Astaire.  Actually if faced with having to choose among, Stallone, Schwarzenegger or Francis the talking mule....well, at least Francis talked in whole sentences....

Catastrophic movies, i.e. Towering Inferno, Volcano, Airport, The Poseidon Adventure, et al, rate very low as entertainment, but the most catastrophic thing on celluloid has to be slapstick comedy!  I find it quite frustrating! Just tell me what is funny about three ugly men poking eyes, slapping faces, and smacking each other in the head. Falling down or being hit with a board is not funny....that is why I deplore America's Funniest Home Videos! But lest I should offend those of you who enjoy the slap-stick stuff...that's all I got to say about that---yes, I did love Forrest Gump.  Because life is indeed like a box of chocolates......

The last time I went to see a science fiction movie, it promised to "go where no man had gone before."  It turned out to be a documentary on Ellen Degeneris' bedroom. Today's movies just are not the same as my oldies and goldies!

Give me a good mystery or thriller, and I am set. I'm disappointed, however, if I can figure out "who dunnit" in the first 10 minutes of the movie. I would like to be able to at least be kept guessing until the opening credits are over.

Hitchcock was indeed a master of mayhem and macabre. Sometimes his movies worked as a cardiovascular exercise as the heart did tend to speed up at times while watching some of his work. As a teenager, I liked horror flicks, but today's veg-a-matic movies...i.e. Scream, Saw, etc... are absolute turn-offs. I like a discernible plot and these body-to-body contacts are ridiculous. Ah, give me "Sound of Music"  that is as bad as I want to get.


Today's multi-million dollar extravaganzas tend to pale in comparison with the older productions.

Suppose Gone With The Wind had been made present day rather than in the '30s---Mammy originally played by Hattie McDaniel, would be, no doubt cast as a wise-crackin', head-knocking, independent woman about town, who only works nine to five with Thursday and Sunday off. She would have a hollowed out rolling pin with a fillet knife hidden inside, a .380 semi-automatic nestled in her cleavage, and poison dart pen in her hair do! She would be played by Queen Latifah--or perhaps Mo'Nique.

Prissy, played by a tiny-voiced Butterfly McQueen as a simple-minded, sniveling girl in the '30s version, would be played by Whoopi Goldberg (only because she would be so good at it...Loved her in The Color Purple) responding to Scarlett's plea for help for Melanie Wilkes with "Girl, you know I don't do windows, I don't iron sheets, and I DON"T do  no babies!  My manicure, you know."

Scarlett O'Hara would be played by Megan Fox or maybe Fergie, Taylor Swift would make an excellent Miss Melanie while Brad Pitt would do an outstanding job as the notorious Rhett Butler. The fine featured Ashley Wilkes would without a doubt bring out the best in Chase Crawford...something should...and Father O'Hara would be wonderfully portrayed by Russell Crowe!  Oh, what images we can conjure!

It would more aptly be named "Scarlett Fiddles Around While Atlanta Burns."  Atlanta, of course, would be played by Jorge Garcia...I really like him...I remember when he did a recurring character part on the TV series Becker.

Our values have changed; our senses are being dulled by the entertainment we choose. Suggestive is no longer pertinent; everything must be explicit. The trend in movies, however, seems to be the same trend in society...all down hill...and, that is really too bad.


But Rhett, wherever shall we go and whatever shall we do? .....

What light through yonder window breaks....

Do you ever feel you are in a "soliloquy mood?"  I do sometimes. This, I do believe, is one of those times.......My soliloquy today would probably go something like this:

The dust on the mantle lies still...no feather duster doth stir. Yet, the dishes from my dinner begs washing, but silent is their plea...for the want of a good scullery serf my sink is running o'er. Oh maiden where art thou that thou hast not yet cleaned my parlor? Ah bed, my bed thou hast not made thyself to be neat and comely to view. Oh, for the want of a good chamber maid my bedding lies askew.  My rugs need vacuuming, but shameful is the time for the want of a good butler, my floor is tracked and strewn. The wash woman is slothful, the laundry is in heaps. I've made present of soap and washing boards but slovenly ingrates ignore.
 'Midst the need of a good Cabana boy my pool is green, but it envieth not. For pools are not meant to envy but to be content in the tardy nature of their care.  My garden is besot with weeds... it needs so much the gardener's care, but alas, longing brings not one to hoe. The chariot awaits a washing...it's dusty fenders beckon, but no worker brings sponge or brush. Me thinks my bath house dinghy...ah, for the want of a scrubbing the tile and grout's sore ailing. The windows long for Windex but no hand is eager tending.  For the want of a diligent groomer, the hounds are tender begging. But go I must into the work day...a meager wage most surely...but for the want of riches of the world my creditors demanding.

Okay, it is not Shakespeare....to bee or knot to bee...that is the question...whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of pathetic prose or go about totally expecting good journalism....ah, there's the rub.....after all, this is only a blog.

My day has been long upon the land which the Lord my God giveth me.  I feel I have accomplished little... yet, I have worked hard and run when I should have been able to walk.  For the want of a good vacation, I am tired. The cashier at Dollar Tree (I was there to buy carpet shampoo) told me she is going to Gatlinburg, Tennessee this weekend. It made me wish for a weekend excursion.

My mother used to tell me I wished my life away. As a child I was always wishing for things different than I had at any given moment. During the school term, I would wish for summer. During summer, I would wish it were Christmas. On Monday, I would wish for Saturday.  I often wished to be somewhere other than where I was. I wished to be taller, shorter, skinnier....I still wish that...depending upon the given situation.  You might get the impression I am not content... hmm, and I guess you might be right. But then, I wish you weren't.

The truth of the matter is, I do find contentment and peace in many things in my life....but, I wish I was more content in more things....I am dissatisfied with myself--I wish I were not---in knowing the things I am capable of accomplishing...should time permit...Okay, you say....make time to be who you want to be....Whoa! That is a wonderful idea!  I wish to be a wealthy novelist. Tomorrow I take my dusty manuscript out to once again see the light of day...and begin working one more time---even unto completion. Wish me good luck!

Now, all seriousness aside...What light through yonder window breaks.."Tis the sun, and I have yet to bid my day good night perchance to sleep...to dream the dreams of the just. But while parting is such sweet sorrow, I bid you adieu---gee, I wished I had thought that up....until the 'morrow.

Lemons and Lemonade....

An often-quoted adage and decent advice goes something like this:  "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.."  I got a wonderful continuation to this....But, if life doesn't give you some water and sugar...your lemonade is gonna suck!"  Yep, thatz whut I'm talkin' 'bout today!

As Barbara, a very dear friend of mine, pointed out on Face Book this morning...another wonderful adage...TGIF!  Yes, thank goodness it is Friday. The work week slows down for a couple of days and lets us do something more fun...like clean house, do laundry, shop, cook, uh-huh..fun stuff, you know what I mean.... perhaps go to the movie, have dinner out at a nice place, go to the beach and get a bathing suit full of sand...hhmmm..work days may not be all that bad....oh, well---we all love Fridays because it is the gateway to the much beloved weekend---So, TGIF--but that was last week's blog!

I had a friend many years ago..he has since passed on...that used cliches quite a bit in his conversations. I think of him occasionally and wonder why he was not more creative and spontaneous in his speech. He was a college educated...in English, nonetheless....man and was, otherwise, quite pleasant. I suppose everybody feeds from the "RUT" to some extent, but many times I am struck by the over use of such mundane, overly-worked expressions. Such lack of originality makes us mediocre. I, for years, have contended that mediocrity is the bane of existence when one becomes content with it. When we become content with mediocrity, we pretty much are a slave to common, mundane, average, a quality of life that is adequate but not very good. So, why would any of us want that? Okay, if we accept that throughout our lives...what will we being willing to settle for throughout eternity?  Somewhere between outer darkness to dwell with Satan and his legions and heaven in the presence of our God, our Father in Heaven....okay, now, given these choices...which one would you prefer?  Eternity is an awful long time....mediocrity is without texture or accomplishment...a failure to excel...to realize our divine potential as offspring of God...and besides it just ain't much fun! Mankind exists that they might have joy....in this life and the life to come....common isn't joyful, mediocrity has no felicity, and so-so just plain causes a vacuum in our brains. (See, were I one who tended to use cliches, I would have said so-so sucks!) Having a vacuum in our brains disallows anything but trash and dust to collect, like a really good Hoover...no joy, no fun. Success and genuine happiness is seldom serendipitous. It is something most of us must learn and earn as we go...excellence is an antonym for mediocrity..so at the risk of being cliche, I will strive for excellence.

Now, adages and cliches are not necessarily the same...my mother was an avid adage adapter, she was not so much a claimer of cliches.  Her attempts to convey her message many times were accentuated with what we may refer to as parables, she used stories and adages to help the listener..even if not a willing listener such as a child that may have gone astray or stepped outside her acceptable parameters...get her point.   My mother would tell you what she expected of you, then she would tell you a story about someone who did not do what they were told and the consequences to which they fell victim. Most of the time she would then tell another story about someone who did as they were told and the reward they experienced by being obedient...much like the scriptures we read....yep, my Mother was well honed in ministering her brand of scripture...which by the way, was never in conflict with those in biblical or latter-day scripture.  She was also quite adept at instilling those messages into your mind with a good smack it she felt it was deserved...I think sometimes those smacks were administered as a result of her intuitive notion that even if we didn't deserve them right then, we would more than likely deserved them some where down the road...a very short distance.

Hot as heck...common.  Quick like a bunny....unimaginative. Is it hot enough for you?  Disturbingly irritating....
Age before beauty, Bite the dust, Bury the hatchet, Call a spade a spade, to fall for someone, and keep up with the Joneses are reported to be the six most used cliches....I suppose they all, initially, worked well.  Now, they are "old hat" and work as well as an "old dish rag."  Throw them out--like the "baby with the bath water;" do not continue to "beat a dead horse."  Go "upward and onward," "shoot for the stars,"  "lengthen you stride," and remember "the buck stops here (with you)."  "Be all that you can be," and make your life fun. You will be "happy as a clam."  Now, that brings us to another question:  Just how happy is a clam and have you ever heard one laugh? (A future blog?)

When life deals lemons....while lemonade is quite good..when made with sugar and water...go ahead and be bold...make lemon pie! All the world will love you for it.

Am I hearing Jingle Bells in the offing?

Disclaimer: I have been told, by those who don't know, that I tend to be a bit "preachy."  You will notice there is no preaching of any kind contained herein, nor is there any hellfire and damnation scorching the page disguised as love and concern. You know I would not want to do anything that is offensive....ah, then, maybe hell is freezing over---and it is not even the season for freezin'!

Have you thought about this year is almost half over and it was only a week or so ago (--or so it seems!) we were ringing in the new year?   It will be Christmas in a few short weeks (or so it will seem!), and we will once again be wondering aloud to ourselves and those who will dare to get within ear shot...where the time went. How did it go so quickly?  

Are you ready?  Have you ordered your Christmas Cards yet? Made a shopping list? Made a mail order or online order for those special people on your gift list?  If you haven't, you are going to be rushing around trying to get everything ready for Santa's big night at the last minute! Trust me on this one--now, is the time to begin the preliminary work for the holiday season.

I have designed my Christmas letter/card, made a list of each gift to each person on my list, and am perfectly ready for Christmas!  My tree sits on the ready to be pulled down from its storage place. It will gracefully accept the ornamentation I have planned for it and will shine brightly for all the passing world to admire. My Christmas Eve Dinner is planned right down to the homemade pickles that will be served with the Shrimp Scampi, Clam Chowder, Salad, and Cheesecake. Friends and family will be invited to share.  Christmas Day Luncheon will consist of roasted goose and wild rice with pecans stuffing--wouldn't be Christmas without stuffing. A wondrous array of vegetables and salads will accompany the entree. The smell of fresh-baked pastry and yeast rolls will tantalize the sense of smell and the appetite. The desserts will make the sideboard creak because of the sheer number and weight of them all.

By 3:00 P.M. Christmas Day, all who have partaken of the Yuletide feast will be groaning and moaning because they have eaten too much. The discarded gift wrap will have made its way to the trash, the gifts that have to be returned will be piled in the foyer, some of the guys will be starting to nod off in front of the TV...most of the gifts that require "some assembly" will already be partially assembled, and someone will be asking if anyone is ready for dessert yet...but,..... Ah, the joy of Christmas.

Now, would you like to hear the truth?  I have, indeed, decided what to give to each person on my list and that all will be easily wrapped and distributed. I may or may not send a holiday greeting this year, and my tree will probably not see the light of day in 2010. BECAUSE, if I have my way this year, I will send my children and my grandchildren their gifts in November...maybe early part of December, and I will be booked into a snuggly mountain cabin for the holidays. I will eat dinner at a nice restaurant and settle down to watch old Christmas movies being warmed by a lively fire in a wood-burning fireplace and have some really good snacks to nibble..and Santa can do his thing somewhere else. I love the bearded ol' elf, but the best thing he can allow me for Christmas is a few days when I am not rushing around, shopping, wrapping, baking, decorating, cooking, baking, singing, cooking and worrying about if I have done an adequate enough job of choosing gifts.

Take me from the cabin right into an evening of merriment in ringing in 2011...when I do not have to do dishes, I do not have to cook one mouthful of food, and I can sleep as late as I want on New Year's Day.
January 2nd is time enough to work and worry what the next day brings....because soon enough it will be April 15th...and we all know what that brings....one thing about tax day....I am not required to cook anything but the books, I do not have to clean anything but my bank account, no one wants to have a party--who can afford one?---no one but the IRS expects me to give them a gift, and most of all----drum roll please..... it is a month or more before I have to start planning for Christmas again! Isn't it a wonderful time of the year?

Note: For all of those to whom I would otherwise be sending a note of Merry Christmas....please except my premature, but nonetheless sincere, wishes for a most excellent Yuletide season, and a very prosperous new year!

Autumn has "fallen"...or has it?

I would bet you are thinking this will be about the weather or the seasons...Well, I don't think so, but I haven't yet decided what I should blog about today. "The" season is officially upon us, but I don't dare say too much about H---------...ah, you know--those big storms they name....yeah, "that" season!" I wouldn't want to be blamed for jinxing this year with bad weather. So, let us talk about something else.....entirely!

2010 is moving rapidly along and will all too soon be gone. The older I get, the more quickly time passes. I go to bed at night and wake up a couple of years older, it seems. Actually, when I went to bed last night I was only about 30 or so.  I'd had my little "younguns" running about my feet all day. Upon awakening this morning, however,--alas, the babes were grown, and I appeared to be a tad more "mature" than when I went to bed.

I hear tell age is merely a state of mind. Well, that means I am about 6 years old...for that seems to be my state of mind much of the time. My body, however, denies that and feels as if I am, oh, 40 "or so."

How old would I like to feel?  I would say 24 years is a good all around age to be. It is an age when you should be old enough to make good sound decisions and young enough to enjoy, endure, and press forward.

But, whatever the truth may be, I refuse to think I am in the Autumn of my life. My leaves may have turned a few different colors in the past few years, and they my shed on occasion, but like good cheese and fine wine, I only improve with age.

Just because the "character" shows around my eyes and in the smile lines of my face, there is no reason to think I am old. I merely wear my wisdom etched in my facial expression. My experience has settled in my lower back and in other joints of my body, but old, oh no, that is not old. It is wisdom, it is experience, it is patience, it is love. Perhaps, I have reached the summer of my life, so maybe, just maybe, I am filled with light and sunshine like a warm summer day. So when you think about me being "full of it,"  please think of me as being full of these things instead of what you are really thinking!

Just remember this:
Gallantry like chivalry is not dead--but both are sorely ailing and deep abed.
So I offer to you my bravest (k)night as my days are filled with work afright.
To you all I bid fond adieu, with hosts of angels to watch over you.....
....ohs 2005

Until next time...when we will tune in again ---same time, same channel for "The Lone Stranger Rides Again!"

What's to be written...

It seems I have nothing at all to blog about this week. I have worked hard, played a little bit, and written very little. I did work some on my story Why I came to your house to play, but mostly it was just editing that I did not publish on my blog page. I have writer's block, I suppose, or, I have just been too busy to blog. Now, that is a real shame.

This Memorial Day weekend has  many of us reflecting upon the cost of freedom for our country! As I have watched the news and have been reminded of the death toll of Americans in Iraq and Afghanistan, I am saddened--even greatly grieved, however, I am also grateful...for many things. I have two sons who served in Iraq. Howell has served two tours of duty and Aaron served one. Lee, a nephew, has been over there four times. They all returned safe and well. Other nephews, James and Sam served as well. I have a lot of admiration for all of our military who have served.  My heart goes out to the families of those who returned in a flag-draped box (Sam was one of these soldiers)...those who paid the ultimate price for our freedom...speaking of man's inhumanity to man. War must be somewhere near the top of the list on that one. I can think of at least one other that may top war on the list of mankind's inhumanity...that would be the brutality visited upon our own countrymen and especially the children that suffer sexual assault and death at the hands of deviants that prey upon them--even their own parents. The news has become quite heartbreaking. I almost never watch it anymore. It is not good for my soul.

What is good for my soul is to see the beautiful little faces of children and hear their laughter...especially when they are with the responsible adults in their lives. It rekindles my hope for mankind...at least for a while. Children always rekindle my hope...you see the future in them...they instill trust that they are smarter than we have been and than our parents before us. It does cause me to wonder how such evil and selfishness abounds in our world when we have such little ones around. It also helps me to understand even in a most finite degree, the very genius of creation....what a wonderful evolution of innocence to maturity of body and mind....I believe everything must have started out in infancy and developed into what they were meant to be.  I can see how creation and evolution are not totally opposite, but are more complementary...both processes have brought about life as we know it.

I think the earth started out very basic and God molded every atom, cell, ingredient, and proponent until it evolved into a place for his children to inhabit. He created plant life and animal life beginning with the most simple one-celled creatures and added on...giving life to all creatures great and small. Man was his final and most complex creature...His mind not his body makes him the most complex.  Now, this is only the "gospel" according to Olivia...but do you not think this makes sense...even a building is started from the ground up...ever see any one build a house from the roof down? Well, of course you haven't...there by is creation and evolution compatible...not contrary or opposite...no matter what Darwin says!  Science should not be at odds with creation...if they only understood God's ways. Many are the marvels of the universe--God gave us many things to make us reach beyond ourselves to expand our minds--he didn't give man all things...he gave us the ability to learn all things...perhaps not all things in this life time...but we have an eternity to fill in the gaps.

But, I was writing about things for which I am grateful...the lives of my children is at the top of my list, the fact that I live in this country, have the freedom to worship, work, and play...my knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ...and the love He has for each of us...just a few things that are at the very top...so many, many things on the list beyond...and I am grateful to know I am a child of God and he takes such care of me.

There are angels among us...their jobs are to see to our spiritual and temporal well-being...do you think all angels are unembodied or disembodied spirits?  Heck, how many mortal angels have you encountered from whom you received some kind of assistance...never doubt or question the powers of heaven--some of them are not as "mystical" as many suspect...we just have to have the faith to understand and utilize such as is available for us. Remember the Bible verse written in the book of Hebrews 13:2?  "Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares."

For all these blessing I give thanks--and I know I will manage to write another day!

The weekend approacheth....

Friday is nearly over and Saturday will very quickly be upon us. One more week of not accomplishing enough to satisfy the demand.  Saturday and Sunday will bring little, if any, relief along that line but perhaps a chance to rest will present itself.  Too soon Monday will threaten and then be upon us one more time. It sort of reminds me of a short rhyme I wrote many years ago...I can't recall now why I wrote such a thing but it went something like this:

To wake to the dawning;
Oh, but a mournful sight--
If I could be keep my thoughts
And visions captured within
The night...
But alas, the dawn doth bring
The cruel and loathsome rhyme
Of facing one more day to act
In the reality of time.
Circa 1970

I think I was decrying the fact that I had to get up and go to work the next morning. I have a brother who says "work is for people who do not know how to fish." He may very well have something there.

In a few short minutes it will officially be Saturday...but I won't go fishing. I will work in the garden and hope my squash plants start looking better. The yellow crook neck and the zucchini are blooming quite profusely, however, their leaves are starting to look...as my mother would say...a little peaked (pee'-kid meaning to have a sickly appearance.) I am not sure they will ever make squash. My tomatoes are doing very well. The beans and peppers are looking good, too.

I dig the soil, plant the seeds, water, feed, weed...sometimes, it actually pays off...but most of the time, I could have bought a couple of bushels of vegetables with the money I spent...not to even mention the time, the broken fingernails, and the sore body I could have prevented by shopping at the farmer's market instead of Lowe's. But, the meek shall inherit the earth...and after I have made my body dirty and tired working in the garden...I would be glad for them to have it!

In all actuality, I love to work in the soil and see things grow. I have a small copse of trees planted in large pots waiting for a yard in which to plant them permanently. I have peaches, plums, fig, loquat or Japanese Plum trees, and grapevines patiently growing in pots....all with an air of expectation and hope of a good home soon. No, my trees do not talk to me and unlike Clint Eastwood's character in Paint your Wagon, I do not talk to the trees--(who would have ever thought about Clint Eastwood or Lee Marvin in a musical?)...I can't help but to know as I walk among them with feed and water that each of them have the hope of one day being productive and fulfilling their life's purpose. But then, don't we all?

What is our life's purpose? Well, that is a good point of discussion. We know we have come to this earth to gain a mortal body...a perpetuation of our eternal progression. We live, we procreate, we walk by faith, we endure to the end...Yep, sounds simple enough doesn't it.  Well, I think I am kind of like my squash plants; I think I may be a little peaked.  I have at times in my life bloomed profusely, I have born fruit, perhaps it is just my duty now to produce a lovely shaded spot in the world for others to enjoy...and that has nothing to do with my weight so don't even go there. Just pack a lunch and enjoy the coolness of my umbrella.

My umbrella, I think, would be my personality, my ability, my talent, my willingness to share part of me with others..to be of service in anyway needed. Or heck, it could just be a good joke and a blog or two....nothing too profound. Then after we have done all we can do...we go into another realm of eternity to live, to work, to never be tired, to never know the sorrow of pain or loss. Yeah, heaven..That is our purpose in life....Sounds like a great weekend retreat that never ends!  I am up for it. I would venture a guess that even though we will have work to do, it will never be Monday in heaven...whaddya think?

I have long contended that heaven will smell like freshly baking bread and taste of fine chocolate when we desire it. But now that I have written this....I think I could forgo these pleasantries for no Mondays!
But for now, in our sphere of mortality as we know it, I will look forward to the weekend without giving thought to Monday for a couple of days. So, if you've a mind...just pick a shady spot and enjoy life. Things could be a lot worse.....you may not ever have gotten to know me! Remember Today's life thought:

Today may there be peace within your mind and heart. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself in knowing you are a work in progress. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

Had I lived in Days of Yore....or, a Cheeto, a Cheeto, my Kingdom for a Cheeto

If I had been a fair maiden when the civilized earth was but an adolescent I would have played upon my Rote (a medieval stringed instrument played by plucking) and sang songs of forbidden and unrequited love. I would have pouted about by lipid pools and languished for the want of a knight to rescue me from a life of "fair maidenness.”

I would have dreamed of being a pub wench and serving grog to sailors. I would try to imagine myself as a swashbuckling female pirate dressed in red brocade with thigh-high boots of glistening black leather with silver buckles. I would envision me riding a white stallion o’er hill and dale with my raven black hair blowing in the wind to meet a tall handsome lover in the nethermost part of the most-dense woods beyond the city wall. I would see myself sitting tall on the monarch’s throne with a crown of rubies on my palest of pale blonde curls while sentinels with golden swords stood guard near by and servants waiting to cater to my every whim.

But alas, and alas, I am not a fair maiden and these are not the days of yore. I have not a
Rote (unless you wish to rename my Compaq) upon which to pluck and no lipid pool by which to pout or to languish….but I still wish for someone to rescue me—so, I suppose we can keep the lanquishing part…

In my days of now, I am still dieting and walking. My caffeine habit has been overcome. I no longer have to say the Soda Pop Creed (See earlier post A Jam Sandwich and a Pine Float)…..but in the back of my mind somewhere in a barren, desolate vale of nutrition my heart cries out….a Cheeto, a Cheeto, my kingdom for a Cheeto. Gosh, I love those crunchy, orange bites of absolute junk food! When I was a mail carrier….many were the pieces of mail that were delivered with orange “Cheeto Tracks” on them. But alas, and alas (people said that a lot back in the days of yore) I have had to swear off Cheetos, Gummy Bears, Rolos, and assorted other good-to-you/bad-for-your-belly-fat foods.

By August I shall be but a mere shadow of the girl I now am. My thin body will flow like water as I walk and an almost inaudible sound of rustling heather will follow my foot steps. The tiniest fragrance of Honey Suckle will caress the air as I pass. All heads will turn to see the magnificence of me…..I shall periodically stop and sigh with the most feminine of sighs to allow the onlooker to partake of the beauty and burn the breath-taking image into the inner recesses of their minds. (Remember in what I majored in the “School of Hard Knocks” --See my profile article…In the beginning God created…And do not say I did not warn you.) All will be well in the world and all God’s Children will have bread. Except for me—I will be clinging to one orange morsel…never to be consumed in this lifetime…a morsel to remind me of how far I have come since my days of leaving Cheeto tracks on people’s mail as I delivered letters being in the company of one cool Cheetah.

So alas, and adieu my dear friends….until another day, another time when once again you will ride with me as the wind blows our sideburns against our ears as we follow the golden trail of cheesy goodness into another realm of absolute madness and merriment.

A blog by any other name…

To blog is to know the very essence of the inane, but nonetheless entertaining, art of the written word. You can blog out loud.  Yes, BLOG OUT LOUD! You can blog in Color…why certainly—COLOR—oh, wait, that is loud color…it reminds me of a dress I saw on a manikin in a store window at the mall last evening…but, I must not digress---yet.  Can you blog in an intellectual style with class and dignity… why, of course, you can my fine fellow…but then why would you want to do something such as that?

“Blog” is taken from the term “web log” meaning to write-talk (a neosphere expression to explain a manner of communication via the internet—e-mail messages qualify as write-talk) in whatever fashion strikes your fancy on the internet so as to fill cyberspace with woeful tales, comic relief, and to advertise whatever it is you would like to sell. Most of all, I suspect, blogs sell the author—to themselves. I bet that doesn’t make sense to you. If, in fact, it does not make sense to you, it means one of two things…either you are extremely well adjusted, as is your family…no dysfunction in your house…or you have never blogged. (Blog is technically defined thusly: ·  read, write, or edit a shared on-line journal ·  web log: a shared on-line journal where people can post diary entries about their personal experiences and hobbies.)

It seems obvious, given the situation, “web log” is such a horribly long term and so difficult to say that someone actually shortened it to “Blog.” (Can you say facetious boys and girls?)  Our lives are so full we must use terms like G-B indicating a garbage bowl, or E-V-O-O…meaning of course, extra virgin olive oil.  Does it really save you so much time to say E-V-O-O rather than extra virgin olive oil that it is worth the effort to program it into our brains?  The same principle applies to words such as air conditioner…it has become the AC.  The television has become the TV. Your identification is known as your ID.

Why do we humans do that? 

Do what?

Make short words out of long words even when is just as easy to say the original word. Oh. Perhaps just to save time in our overly-busy word world.

Think about nicknames—why is Hank a nickname for Henry?  How is Jack any shorter than John?  How did it come about that Bill is a nickname for William…Why not Will or Willie, or how did we get Peggy or Peg as a nickname for someone named Margaret?  Why do we have nicknames anyway? Now do you see how silly we humans really are?  But it goes on….

Then there are acronyms such as NATO—“North Atlantic Treaty Organization”, SCUBA—“Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus, WHO—“World Health Organization, LASER—“Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation,” let's not forget NASA--"National Aeronautics and Space Administration," and  SNAFU …did you know that SNAFU is an acronym?  This term was actually given birth by the military…it is an acronym for the phrase “Situation Normal All [Fouled] Up.”  Meaning of course, a normal situation has taken a bad turn by whatever means, and is now no longer normal, as anticipated, or desired. Well, I can see why we would need an acronym for that seemingly oxymoronic observation.  But then, at the time it was created, I sure it made sense to someone. Actually SNAFU makes more sense just in and of itself—once you are oriented* in the manner intended for its original use. (Now, does that sound as if it should be included somewhere in the Federal tax code? You know, the one issued by the IRS!)

Like many other acronyms, SNAFU has been adopted into civilian language and used as a stand alone word to mean a complication or problem.  Another word, all though not an acronym, which was taken from the military, is accouterment or accoutrement, meaning an accessory or piece of equipment associated with a specific object, task, or role. 2. a piece of military equipment carried by soldiers in addition to their standard uniform and weapons.  But, you knew that already, didn’t you?

Acronyms are commonly written using be all upper case letters, but as we take them into our communication as common words we change them. SCUBA has become scuba used mainly to mean just diving and performing underwater, LASER we call laser—a light that has nearly magical properties…there are many people who do not realize both of these words are acronyms.

No wonder we blog—our lives have become so complicated and time often runs amok—now there is a word to add to your repertoire—“amok” has a cool sound, doesn’t it? Even the dictionary definition is cool: amok (adverb) meaning out of control in a very frenzied way or confusedly in or into a confused or disorganized state OR (adjective) frenzied or out of control as run amok—to become out of control, especially in a frenzied way—we need a time to take control back and mellow for a while.

I must admit blogging, or web logging, is a wonderful way to be creative, communicate, and relieve stress…betcha never thought about it being therapeutic! For whatever reason each individual writes or reads….a blog by any name at all would be just as sweet!

So—blog on souls of merriment--blog on!

:Footnote:

*…which brings to mind…you are never “orientated” even though you may attend an “orientation” class or meeting….you are only “oriented,”  While I am at it, please note…. you did not go acrossed the road—you either went “across” the road or, you simply "crossed" the road…why?  To get to the other side!

A jam sandwich and a pine float…..

I am dieting….yes, believe it or not, I am cutting back on what I eat and making a lot of changes in the types of things I consume. I must lose a few pounds. I am also walking a couple of miles each day in hopes of accelerating my weight loss.

Since I got married a little over three years ago, I have gained a few pounds that make my clothes not fit as well and my mirror reflection frowns when I look at it. My otherwise semi-perfect body is doing well...it just weighs too much. I realize that my age has a little to do with that. I got a message on my Face Book wall from a niece that made quite a point. The question posed went something like this: “Why is it I can remember lyrics to a song I knew from ten years ago, but I can’t remember why I came into the kitchen?” She also stated…“sometimes getting old sucks.” Well, let me qualify that just a tad.

Getting old is quite detrimental to most of us…but then what is the alternative? Live hard, die young, make a good-looking corpse. Okay, getting old is the better side almost all of the time. But, she is right…getting old can really be an encumbrance—and in my case it is my weight. The late night snacks might be another contributing factor…and, hmm…other things.

Of course, changing my lifestyle has definitely played a part in the weight gain as well. I went from working six to seven days per week—delivering, sorting, and picking up the US Mail and working for the hospital in Chipley as a kitchen supervisor--to working six days per week sitting at my computer processing orders from an online store. (But, I do have to admit…with this job, I can quit when I need to and take an afternoon nap or just watch the news if I am of a mind.) At any rate, and whatever the reason…I am dieting.

To begin my day, I had a glass of V-8 Hot and Spicy to wash down my thyroid pill and a hand full of vitamins and supplements. A couple of hours later, for breakfast, I had a small bowl of dry cereal wilted with a little 1% milk…with some water added to make enough liquid for the cereal and to dilute the calories.
For lunch, however, I had a half cup of mixed greens with a few slices of cucumber, some raw zucchini, two tablespoons of canned tuna and a teaspoon of salad dressing. It almost tasted like food. Oh, yes about 10:30 A.M. I had half an apple. It could have been a little sweeter for my taste, but when you diet, even a slightly tart apple is good to the palate.

While I am dieting, I am also kicking the caffeine habit…again! Those diet Mountain Dews and Cokes really play a number on you if you let them. I have been at this since Monday morning so my 72-hour period for overcoming a physical addiction has ended. It is the 72-day period for overcoming the psychological addiction that is kicking my butt!

I saw a sign on the back window of a car one day, when I was going into Wal-Mart to buy soft drinks, which read, “The doctor says I have too many red blood cells in my carbonated water.” Sometimes it does seem as if my veins run rich in carbonation.

Okay, where does Coca-Cola Anonymous (CCA) meet? Can you imagine a bunch of Cokeaholics meeting in a twelve-step program?

Creed: “Give me the courage to walk each day with a bubble only in my step and not in my beverage. Help me to overcome the tendency to succumb to the sound of a pop-top can being opened. Allow me the common sense to know that carbolic acid is not a vitamin and that natural and artificial flavoring is not on the food pyramid. I seek to walk a clear-water path, and with God’s help I know I can overcome.”
Instructions: Say this creed each morning and each evening…and anytime you feel the urge to partake of the dastardly soda pop! To make it even more effective…say it as you are standing on the scale looking at your true weight…not just the one you have made up in your mind. Yeah, like that would work!

Hello, my name is Olivia, and I am a caffeine junkie….but even more so, I am a carbonated drink junkie. (Insert here: “Hi Olivia”—from all the fools here with me—also carbo/caffeine addicts!) Okay, so I am officially “on the wagon.”

Speaking of the food pyramid….who thinks that stuff up anyway? Few people in the world plan meals according to the information contained in that little triangle of nutrition. If we made the pyramid to fit the way most people eat it would be a little different. Imagine…bottom row: dry cereal, pop-tarts, bagels, sausage biscuits,Whoppers and Big Macs,fried chicken,seafood platters,ice cream,in the south: Sweet Tea, and Coca-Cola; next row: hamburgers, cheese burgers, macaroni and cheese, chicken nuggets, French fries, Donuts, Gummy bears, Snicker Bars, Coca-Cola; third row: spaghetti and meat balls, bar-b-que, pizza, mashed potatoes, Mexican-like food from Taco Bell, dessert, Beer, Pepsi-Cola: forth row: green bean casserole, corn, corn dogs, hot dogs, Chinese food, Coca-cola, and in the south…Sweet Tea; Top row: GRAVY…so that it dribbles down on top of everything else! Ah, America the land of milk and honey…and fast food joints…a nation of gourmands.
Now that I have that said, I believe I will prepare dinner. I will “jam” two slices of whole-grain, sawdust-like bread together and put a toothpick in my water to spice it up a bit.
The menu: A “jam” sandwich and a pine float…… I feel myself getting thinner every second.

Word play...keeps me young at heart

As long as I can recall, I have written whatever was in my heart or on my heart. It helped to heal the pain, express feelings otherwise hard to convey, and eased any stress in my life. It is also quite enjoyable to create, to pen, even to give birth to poetry or prose. It is only natural that I would blog at this point in my life now even though I am only somewhat technologically adept.
I find inspiration in different places and situations which I find inviting, comforting, even alluring. One of my favorite places to compose ingenious work is at the seashore or beach, or whichever you prefer to call it...the distinction can be made by the locale. I find when you are in the southeast United States you go to the "beach"...be it on the Atlantic or the Gulf side. In the Northeast they refer to the the beach as the "shore." But whatever the vernacular or colloquial term--it is still quite an inspiring place to be, at least for me.
Part of the lure of the seashore, of course, is the immenseness and grandeur of it all. I am lulled and coaxed by the rote (the noise of the surf or waves breaking on or near the shore) of the water. The smell of the salt air is also an alluring condition of the beach. It is also wonderful for your sinuses and your lungs, but that must be written of in a different blog.
One afternoon, I found myself quite alone on Blue Mountain Beach on the Gulf of Mexico between Panama City and Fort Walton Beach--and various points also between--the sunset was in gentle progress, the sky was a glorious color, and the water an emerald green closer to the shoreline. The high tide now diminishing had washed away any evidence that another person had even walked on the sand that day. My pen painted the scene in one of my favorite poems. I call it

At Ebb Tide
The ocean's voice is a gentle rush
Of ebb tide's waning sound.
The seagulls dance in shallow pools
And feed from the salty ground.
Sandpipers pick amongst the gulls--
Their share of ocean's bounty claim;
And cast a shadow upon the sand
By the sky's dwindling flame.
The sun will be but an ember soon
As it reaches for that heaven-sent time
Where the sky meets the earth
And forms a water-etched line.
The shallows are an emerald green,
But I watch for they will stray
To where the water turns a dark, dark blue
And then a darker gray.
I come to the sea when I am alone;
I walk the shore untrod.
I come to the sea to partake of the beauty
When I need to meet with God.
...1994

For a while I worked as a newspaper reporter and columnist. I loved the writing part of the job...but I must admit, I was not a good reporter. I just did not have that feeding frenzy instinct that leads good reporters to glean all the facts--especially in cases where people were suffering, hurt, or...dead. I covered several cases of such human misfortune. I had a hard time sticking a tape recorder or even a pad and pen, that would reflect in the tears, into the faces of victims and their families and asking them how they felt as they watched their house burn to the ground, when they first found out someone had died, was missing, etc. etc. etc.—or other equally asinine questions.
I interviewed quite a few people for human interest stories and mostly what I learned was many people confuse who they are with the worldly possessions they have accumulated. What a shame.
While writing for one small weekly publication, my editor used the term "wordsmith" quite often. I am not sure what one must do to be officially, and perhaps technically, deemed a wordsmith....I do sometimes hammer out the words to make them express my intent...but never under a spreading chestnut tree...so, I am probably not to be considered a wordsmith.
I love words and the sound they make on paper. But it is merely the word play that keeps me young at heart.

Some days I conquer; some days I let my brain sleep in

I worked with a woman some years ago that had a little sign over her desk that had printed on it: “Of all the things I’ve ever lost, I miss my mind the most.” After working with her for a while, my thought was she may not have been kidding.
I worked in that arena, a large school of higher education, for a couple of years before I understood why she would say that…but since then, I have decided my mind is not lost, but goes visiting so often I no longer miss it when its gone.
I am not implying my responsibilities are of such menial, mundane levels or lack of import they require little or no thought—for surely that is not true. It is just that after doing the same things for so long, I can accomplish many of my daily tasks by rote (mechanical repetition of something so that it is remembered, often without real understanding of its meaning or significance). Much of the work I do is programmed into my entire cellular structure not just my gray matter. My complete physical and psychological composition is permeated or saturated with it. At times it seems the keyboard and calculator are extensions of my hands. (Kind of an Edward Scissorhand symptom or situation). So my mind is free to wander, visit elsewhere, or just stay abed if it so chooses. My body, unfortunately, is seldom allowed the same luxury. (Hmmm…just a thought, if I could get my mind to go to work and leave my body abed…..Hmmm Guess that can’t be done—stuff of Sci-Fi movies.)
I am sitting here looking at my 19” flat-screen monitor trying to decide if my brain is indeed up and thinking or if it is still abed. I know it is not visiting some far away place or situation or it would send me pictures occasionally to add insult to injury by letting me know of what I missing out by being at work.
Insert disclaimer scenario here: You are, probably, aghast that I am blogging from my desk at work…well, just calm down. I am not stealing hours or money by doing personal tasks on my boss’s time. You see, I work from home, I am the boss, and I am doing this on my break time—or as I like to call it—my respite time.
Okay, now that I have that established, my mind must have come to work with me this morning…so I conquer. But, the day isn’t over…so I will report back when I am through with my work.
The work day is over. I have been to a new restaurant serving Indian cuisine. The food was excellent. I am back.
Have you ever played the game “Conquer or Consequences?” No? All right, you have me there. I have never played that game either. But it sounds good. In all truth, though…there is not a board game, or a TV show, or any other game called Conquer or Consequences…the fact is this concept is called Life…as in mortality, day-to-day rat race, etc. My mother used a mind-game phrase once in a while when I wanted to do something for which she wouldn’t say no, but she wouldn’t say yes, either.
“Do whatever you want to,” she would say. “But you will pay the consequences.”
Well, isn’t that always the case? No matter what our decision, good or bad, wise or foolish, we will pay the consequences. That doesn’t always mean bad things will happen. Sometimes the consequences of our actions are rewards, not punishments. But when parents use that psychology…the implication is something bad will take possession of your soul if you follow your desires and you will be cast into hell for ever—or you will have to do dishes every night for the rest of your life! Whichever punishment the parent deems worst.
So today I conquer. My work was shared on whatever ratio was needed with brain and body both pulling their weight. I accomplished many things which I “have been meaning” to undertake (—the old “road to hell…paved with good intentions rule applies here). I have filed all the things which I have been piling for weeks…my philosophy…pile it until you have time to file it….my piles were heaps, my desk had disappeared except for the lower drawers and the legs. Much of my floor space had started to look like a garbage heap…but today my desk is clean. My floor is actually showing the new red carpet, and I can find things again, such as my stapler, my printer, and my mouse pad.
Yep, today I conquer, but will my brain desert me another day? In the words of Scarlett O’Hara Butler “…tomorrow is another day….I’ll worry about that tomorrow.”

Now playing at a theatre near you...

I have decided not to go see the movie now playing at my local movie theater entitled, "Why Did I Get Married, Too?" The reason is not that I do not think I would like the movie…I enjoy some of Tyler Perry's work...but the fact is I have been asking myself this very question as of late.

I was married, the first time, at the tender young age of 17...I thought, somewhere in the back of my young brain, that I was a very sophisticated, worldly--young, but nonetheless, woman. What I found out rather quickly into this quicksand-type situation was that, in fact, nothing could have been further from the truth. I was being engulfed in a murky trap and suffocated….I had to fight to walk, to talk, to survive.

Now, many years later, I find that I am somewhat more mature—biologically and emotionally...but not a lot more "worldly" and probably not a whole lot wiser, for the most part, either.

I went to work to support myself when I was but 13 years old...yep, I lied about my age and got away with it for a while...when I could no longer get away with it in one place, I moved to another job. I was 15 and claimed to 18. One of my older brothers help me lie my way into a bigger and better paying job as a grill cook for a local hamburger chain (I had been a carhop in another hamburger chain—in the days when “curb service” was common.)

Working in hamburger joints exposed me to many things in life my parents never told me about. At 16, I met a man who thought I was 18...We dated, he fell in love and when I was 17--we married. We had been married for oh, at least a week, when I figured out I was still a little girl in a grown body that was fearful and lacking in the ability to successfully make a life and home on an adult level. All the things I had learned at the hands of mouthy, trashy, co-workers; and my brief exposure to bawdy women and crude men in a nightclub as a result of such associations were only part of the slimy underbelly of life that provided no base for emotional maturity. I knew nothing of what I needed to be a contributing individual with the feeling of any positive self worth.

It wasn’t until I got much older that I understood the self-worth thing…the “hind sight” phenomenon kicked in and I realized I had never grasped from a seedling that I was someone of worth. Even a seemingly insignificant acorn can become a mighty oak if not crushed under a heavy heel before given a chance…I was nearly as the unlucky acorn….I was almost never given a chance. 2B continued.

The author--About me

Born in a small southern town in the Florida panhandle, population 1203…then it was 1204. I was the third daughter born to my parents. When I was but three weeks old, however, my family relocated in Central Florida in hopes of more work, higher wages, and a better way of life.

My father was a farmer, a well-accomplished carpenter, a song writer (but that is a totally different story), and a clown--I must have learned my humor from him. My mother was a housewife, gardener, doctor, teacher, friend, litigator, arbitrator, and incubator—a mother...she gave birth to eleven children...seven of whom are boys...four were girls, now women. From these offspring, my mother became a grandmother 31 times, a great grandmother and great-great grandmother more times than I can recall.

I have a lot of respect for my mother and my mind is filled with wonder and awe when I think of all she accomplished... She did not get a lot of formal education, she was not a career woman as the world defines it...she rarely worked outside her home. What she did, however, was raise to adulthood eleven offspring. She lived with my father until she died in 1988 at the age of 71+ years, just a few days shy of her 54th wedding anniversary. But while she lived—she mothered, she sewed, she cooked, she cleaned, she doctored, she chauffeured, she grew beautiful flower gardens, she raised chickens and vegetable gardens, she was active in church with a strong testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, taught Sunday School, took active part in Relief Society—the woman’s auxiliary at church, made hand-stitched quilts, and she worried about her children.

She did not get a driver's license until after her youngest child was born. While my father was working out of town...she taught herself to drive on the back roads of Orlando... which then, was a relatively small town...the orange groves next to our home and the dirt roads where my mother taught herself to drive, long before the advent of Walt Disney World, are now integrated into the business area of downtown Orlando. You can no longer find the little two-lane road called 43rd St by which I walked to school . It is all metropolized...is there such a word?...and overgrown with traffic and large buildings. The lake where we played and fished as kids must surely still be there...but where, and what is it called now? It was just the lake in Mr. Crawford's pasture when we were kids playing ball and running free.

My mother was a woman among women--a standard bearer. One of her most earnest desires beyond the well-being of her children and grandchildren was to travel to the "Holy Land" to walk where the Savior walked... I am sure she walks with the Savior now, not just where he has been.

But, about me?: I should be as good at everything I do as my mother is at what she does.

I seek respite--therefore, I Blog

With all I have to do each day...I now know to preserve my body and my sanity...I have to find time for me....to let my branches stretch out; to soak up the rays of all things good in this life.
I have lived a few years...I have raised three children of my own and a few who were given birth by other women who chose to run and play instead of taking care of their offspring. That's okay though, I do not mind that part.
I have experienced the death of my parents, two of my brothers, a beloved Aunt, and a daughter-in-law just in the past few years. I guess I am feeling my own mortality. There is more to me than bookkeeping, sales, phone calls, cooking meals, cleaning house, doing laundry, running errands, and trying to please everyone...
Today, I am learning to please me....how superficial you may say, how narcissistic, how down right selfish....Bah, humbug, (Ol' Ebenezer may have had a point at times) I say to those who might make such utterances or mental judgments...

There is nothing selfish about taking care of oneself. There is nothing narcissistic about caring enough about yourself to say...No, I can't do that right now. I have me on my agenda. Heck, I am worth it! What about you?

As a matter of fact...I need to end this blog, give my keyboard a deserved rest and go have my hair, hands, and feet done. There is nothing like a good pedicure to give a person a new lease on life....Sometimes, it makes me feel like a new woman....if they are done particularly well....they make me feel like a new man...but don't tell my husband....I let him think it is him. But then, my husband is always the man in my life.....(LOL)

Things I have learned...

The beauty of the earth is all around us...if you but take a few minutes each day to see it. Now, that a nut like me has taken the time to experience the beauty...I truly am becoming a mighty tree.
Live life...love much, laugh often, and know you are of great individual worth....
I am the seventh child in a family of eleven children born to a man and woman both reared in the rural south and steeped in the culture that can only be gotten in the piney woods of Northwest Florida, some parts of southern Alabama, a little bit of Georgia, and nowhere else. We were raised on grits, greens, fried chicken, potato salad, and a good whippin' if we didn't behave.
I've been told I have lost some of my southern accent, but not many of my southern ways. That is okay....because southern ways...out "ways" other lifestyles that tend to be stuffy and limiting.

Things I have learned:
From my CPA: There are three types of people in the world--those who can count and those who can't.....
From my Ecclesiastical leader: Blessed are they who go around in circles for they shall be known as big wheels.
From my Lawyer: Justice is blind....it's the judges and jurists who can see.
But once you scare the crap out of a judge....there's nothing left but a robe and a gavel.
(Hey, those were his words--not mine.)
From my mother: Don't worry if you are kidnapped in the night...when they get you to the light they will let you go......what a joker my mother was!
From my father: Swimming is easy....once you get out of the bag. Yeah, he was a joker as well.
From The land of Dixie: No matter where you go....there you are.
From Northern carpetbaggers: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush....but a bucket of fried chicken is better than both.